I’m on vacation. This is a rare-to-never event for me, but a dear friend is getting married in the mountains of North Carolina, so I flew back to spend some time roaming around the mountains, like I used to.
I may be a born and raised California girl, and it’s where I now make my home, but I spent 22 years in the South, between Columbia, SC, middle Georgia, and Asheville, NC. In those years I did an incredible amount of driving, all over, for various reasons, down back roads and highways.
I thought when I came back here for a visit this time that I would repeat some of that, driving down my favorite scenic routes, seeing some of the tiny little towns I once called home, but I realized in planning this trip, not only how much I’ve grown, but what I was doing on all of those drives. I was looking for home, I was processing the world as it hit me, wave after wave. On my long drives across the Piedmont and up to the mountains and back, I would think, cry, listen to music, talk to God, recharge my batteries in the woods, and wonder ‘what the hell’. I was lonely a lot of those times, but driving for me has always been the best way to process. I also love being in the small box (car) with moving scenery and my own personal sound track on the radio.
So I realized in planning this trip that I don’t need to repeat those lonely emotional drives. What I was looking for all of those years, I now have. I was looking for home, looking for myself, and looking for happiness, or rather, peace. I have those things now, and I’m blessed. My daily life now is filled with routine-what many people would consider boring; washing dishes, doing chores, watering plants, feeding animals, hanging laundry on the long clothes line and bringing it in again. And during the day, when I’m writing or eating, or knitting, I stare out my picture window at “my” slice of the mountains, and I am at peace.
But then I keep wondering, as I have for the last five years “what now?” And for the last five years, the Universe has been telling me “just sit still”, which for an anxious, fidgety “vata” person like me is nearly impossible. But it’s been good for me, and I don’t think I’m done yet. You have to be able to sit still in order to hear what lies in the silence-to hear what everyone else is too busy to hear…our ancestors-the whispers of trees, and the movement of time…There’s a lot of work to be done there.
I’m not done with learning how to sit still yet, but this vacation is meant to be a reset for me. I’ve gotten quite sidetracked from my job of sitting still, filling it with genealogy research and way too much social media. I’ve attempted to find understanding by spending time on social media groups trying to have discussions with others about esoteric concepts-and no one seems to understand what I’m asking-maybe I don’t either-but these conversations inevitably end up with some strange emotional interactions that end with people getting bent out of shape because of what I didn’t say. So I’ve decided I need a social media break, and in that time I need to be writing, a lot more.
This blog is intended to be hopefully a collaborative effort with other people on the Druid path with a deep look at what it means to be a Druid in America…but for now, to begin with, it’s going to be my travelog.