I am reposting a couple of blog entries from an old blog, from a few years ago-This is an important story of a benchmark in my Spiritual Journey. Current retrospect to follow.
One Glimpse-Sharing My Important Dream February 25, 2013
I had a dream that I think was profound and life-changing, in a very Spiritual way. I’ve had interesting and “special dreams” before, many times, like when our friend, herbal wise man Frank Cook was dying and in my dream I received a confused phone call from him, only to find out the next day that he was very ill in the hospital, in and out of consciousness. I’ve had those dreams, and a lot of dreams I am convinced are real, where I’ve been in other places, come face to face with other people and even witnessed people’s deaths. I believe on some level these ARE real, that I am connecting with people in different states of consciousness or time, who are looking for someone in a common plain to connect with. I don’t know what to do with it, it is just a part of me.
So this dream, a month ago, was pretty simple and short. In it, I went to a meditation class somewhere warm…the US Southwest? India? I was content and carefree, and I was going to this ashram (or ? I’m not exactly sure what the place was and I’m not Hindu in real life). Just going to meditate. It was sunny, the doors and windows were open, the temperature was perfect, the walls were thick like adobe. The room was not large, was rectangular in shape, so people were sitting in five to seven rows and only about three to four people across. The room was either painted gold or it was a warm sunny glow in it…
I was a bit late for the meditation session, so I found a spot to sit, sat down, decided I would just enjoy the time, no worries, no hurries. I was not nervous that I would do something wrong (like I often am in real life). I was just happy and relaxed. Nothing special going on. This was just your average meditation.
There was an older man with a plaid shawl/blanket around him sitting on the floor among the meditators, scooting around the room-moving without coming to a standing position, going around to some people, but not everyone, and he had a helper. It looked like he was blessing them or laying hands on to heal them but I wasn’t paying him much attention, I was there to meditate like a good girl. The man scooted along on the floor, and finally came around behind me, long enough later that I was not paying attention to him. I was meditating. I guess I just thought he was going to be in front of the person behind me.
An then I don’t know whether he ACTUALLY touched me, or just got near me and directed some energy through me (If you’re not familiar with this, it is real…) but, you know in the cartoons where someone whacks or impacts a character, or he runs into a wall, and then for a second, nothing happens, and then all of a sudden the entire character fractures into thousands of tiny pieces and falls to the floor, like a mirror?
Well, that’s what happened (sort of) when this man impacted me in the middle of my back. It felt like a pretty good whack! Except what fell off of me was “all negativity.”
I mean I was still in my body, and as far as bodily sensations it was like two things at once: being smacked in the middle of my back by a hand, hard, and glugging a shot of vodka. I had a feeling of sudden, intense warmth spreading out from my heart area, maybe two or three seconds to go thru my whole body, and in those few seconds anything bad or negative just dropped off me, like dead flies.
I kind of bent forward from the “impact” but it didn’t “hurt”. My first sense was just feeling/experiencing this intense thing. Then, my first thought was not ‘what was that?’ or ‘what the heck?’ but rather, ‘that’s not at all what I thought it would feel like.’ Somehow the thought of what it was was not necessary, because as that warmth spread over me, I KNEW what it was. There was not even any need to question what it was. My second thought, after, ‘that’s not at all what I thought it would feel like’ was something like, ‘but it feels so normal, like nothing’s changed-but EVERYTHING has changed!’ This feeling and these thoughts were intense, and seemed to last a long time, like a few seconds was stretched out in my mind-I experienced it fully, every nuance, every inch of that sensation. It was such a feeling in my body that thoughts of what it was weren’t necessary. When I reflected later on it, I realized that if I had to put into words what happened, the words “All negativity dropped (or fell) away” kept coming into my mind, as if it had been placed there for later reference. I believe that those words came with the impact. To explain what happened.
Just after this impact and ‘that’s not at all what I thought it would feel like’, I turned around, impulsively, as if I was walking down the street and had just seen a gorilla driving a car and wanted to be SURE of what I’d seen (or in this case to be sure of what the cause of this sensation was) because curiosity wanted me to really LOOK at who was back there, (was this that old man? and who is he?) and when I turned around, I looked RIGHT in to the face of Neem Karoli Baba. His face was a foot from mine, and I just looked into his face…and he gave me a look like “eh, maybe”. As if maybe it was him that did something, maybe not, no big deal, but there was also a bit of a challenge to the look on his face, like ‘what are you going to do about it?’ and I looked deep into his eyes, which were a bright turquoise blue. And beyond him I could almost see another presence over his left shoulder.
And then I just turned back around and meditated. It was as if he was saying ‘EVERYTHING changed, and NOTHING changed, so just do what you were doing.’
And then I woke up to the sound of my partner fussing at one of our cats who had sprayed the couch yet again, naughty boy that he is. It sounded like chaos. I was awake after only 6 hrs sleep and had been awakened by the cat chastisement so I was entering pretty darn cranky very rapidly on waking. I don’t wake up well when it’s sudden, and I found myself getting very suddenly, very angry. Then, I thought, ‘WAIT! I thought things were supposed to be DIFFERENT!’ I was getting REALLY mad…and somewhere I could hear Maharaj-ji, laughing. ”You expected something different?” is what I heard in my head.
Ah, life goes on. What is the saying? “Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
So here is the background to this story. I had only seen a photo of Neem Karoli Baba, ONCE not long before I had this dream, but that’s all. I didn’t know much at all about him, had never read any stories about him, knew nothing of his actions, his spirituality, his life or death. I had only seen a photo. It was a trail of information from our friend Frank Cook that lead me to him-not the first time Frank has led me to really good spiritual information after death. There was another idea that Frank seeded in me that lead me to another profound experience…A story for another day.
A mutual friend of myself, my partner and Frank’s “liked” Bhagavan Das’ page on Facebook, and I was intrigued by this crazy looking dude with the long dreads. I found some of his music, and looked him up, just a quick bio, which lead me to Ram Dass… I found a few books by Ram Dass’ online because I thought my partner would like them and so they were already in the house, but I had not read any of them. Which lead me to Krishna Das, just another Das guy, but the music was nice, so I bought some from iTunes. My partner has had pretty traumatic experiences with Christianity, and I thought he would like Ram Dass and Krishna Das, but he will never buy music or books, so I buy things “for” him. One song by Krishna Das “Hallelujah Chalisa” became my partner’s new favorite tune and he listened to it a lot, and hummed it a lot. This lead me to reading a little about Hanuman (who I had heard of from the MC Yogi song) and I also found that they all had the same “guru” (something I never did understand-seemed silly to grovel in front of any human…). I flipped through one of the Ram Dass books, and that’s when I saw the picture of Neem Karoli Baba. Who his devotees call “Maharaj-ji”. That was all I read or saw, until I had this dream.
One glimpse of the Beloved and the river changes its course…
I did find out after research on “Baba-ji” (Another name his devotees called Neem Karoli Baba or Baba-ji; Baba means Papa in Hindi) later, that he has an Ashram in Taos, NM…I think that was where I was in my dream. I really badly want to go there now to see if it was that place. From pictures I can find on the web (which I had not seen before my dream) it looks like the exact same room.
Yes, I think it was real. The day after the dream I did some research and apparently it is not uncommon for Maharaj-ji to come to people in dreams, or in other ways since his death in 1973. His followers talk about the unconditional Love that this man put out to everyone around him and how it changed their lives. This is the sort of spiritual stuff that honestly, I sort of gagged on as being too sweet and “Christian-y”. I never paid it much attention. There are even recent stories of some people simply seeing his photo and feeling the love, being intrigued enough to research him, and then take up a practice.
Now on some level, yes, I kind of think this is all silly nonsense. That’s my ego. (Dreams aren’t rational, blah, blah…) But on another level, I KNOW that I am able to connect with people in the dream-time, and I really FEEL this was real. So it’s not that odd that I finally found a “teacher” (a guru) who is not longer in a body, who came to ME (I did not choose him), and gave me a gift that changed the way I feel. Some people find this with Christ, (which I’ve had my own bad experiences with-poor fella, save you from your followers!) and I think whatever it is, it comes from the same Source.
In retrospect, a month or so down the road, this dream, and this gift from this teacher has made profound albeit subtle changes in things. There were some family members that I had a lot of anger toward, and, having had a darshan with Maharaj-ji (meaning sitting in his presence and seeing with his eyes so to speak) I am now able to let go of the anger towards those people, that I have carried deeply for a very long time, and can really see them for what they are-not horrible bad people, but sad, confused and lonely people, like we all are at some times in our life-who feel separated from whatever it is we are supposed to be a part of and trying anything to get back to that Love.
The anger is gone, truly, replaced with compassion and understanding that is real and will last. I have done more reading on Maharaj-ji, reading stories of people that got to meet him, and sat with him, or simply had a dream of him as I did. I understand now that Maharaj-ji was the embodiment of Hanuman, who was totally devoted to Ram (God) (in Hindu spiritual stories.) Hanuman was a monkey, but also a devoted servant of his Lord. It is said that if one chants the name of God (Ram), as in “Sri Ram, Jai Ram, Jai, Jai Ram”…that one can get back to that closeness. That is called Bhakti. Krishna Das and others sing variations of a 40 phrase song to Hanuman, to connect to the devotion that Hanuman felt. I sing those songs every day now, and am attempting to learn the words. I wish someone could have told me a long time ago that there was a spiritual practice that involved singing….I think it fits me very well.
I am very grateful for this gift . I DID feel unconditional Love from this man-whether he was really in the room with me, or in my dream, or a figment of my imagination, it was REAL. I hope that I can live up to that fierce, loving stare and the gift that was given. I have to try hard sometimes, but now I KNOW what it feels like to have all negativity drop off of me, and I really KNOW what it feels like to have someone that you don’t know, who has absolutely no agenda, be it human, spiritual, monetary, sexual or otherwise, show you unconditional love. It is the first time in my life that I have experienced a love that asks nothing of me, and accepts me as I am-a Love that is larger than human Love. What I do with it now is up to me.
** Cookie photo above is from Neem Karolia Baba the NKB Ashram Facebook page.