Opening to the Flow, Finding the Right Fit
I am an extremely sensitive individual. I’ve been open to the flow since before I was born. But that can be a blessing and a curse and most of my life I have not known how to shut it off, or to turn it down to a trickle, how to make it manageable. Now I know. Now that I control the volume so to speak, I am still not very open most of the time…so yes, what was happening for me internally during the Bardic grade, to a large extent was due to my being very cautious about opening to anything that would bring a flood that I couldn’t turn off. The metaphors for water were everywhere that year.
Sometimes I still don’t deal with the over-flow well. Frequently I just shut down, shut off, delete, revert and sit…I’m working on that…Developing a healthy set of skills to deal with the flow, good or bad, takes a lot of time, balance and learning to ground. I can thank the Bardic course for that.
So this is why the Ovate grade has felt like slipping into a warm, gently flowing stream…It’s not too hot, not too fast…I feel like Goldilocks. I’ve found the right porridge and the right bed. I think I’m going to be quite comfy in the Ovate grade. And I’m in no hurry.
Now that I’m taking my time, not ticking boxes weekly and not thinking and moving on, now that I am feeling the flow, I’m feeling something else…a Bigger Muse perhaps? I’m unfamiliar with the concept but excited to explore this new Muse in time…But for now, I definitely feel surrounded and supported by this flow.
Making Peace with the American Thing
Now, although to some extent I’m still crawling around in the dark, staying pure for my own experience, only letting in a controlled amount of flow, I’m feeling VERY inspired! But to some extent I feel…ashamed? behind? because I am not reading other people’s work. There are many good writers, even just within OBOD, many blogs, many different voices, and honestly, I’m reading very little…but I feel like I have to have my own experience here, without the input of others.
When I’ve talked about the “American” thing, people have referred me to AoDA and to ADF, but neither of those interest me in the least. So much of the American generated Druidry that is out there seems, well, to be honest, overly educated-and therefore off-putting to those of us who have never finished college, or I’d imagine also to those who can’t afford college. And still very white and very male. Many make it seem like it’s about having the same education as the Druids did, but I COMPLETELY disagree. It’s about that flow. As Ms. Orr said, “To be a Druid you need to study Nature. Not Druidry. Nature.”
Many people make it about “religion” as well. To each his own, I say, but I can not do religion. I have never, ever liked religion, which is housed in buildings, and funded by non-profits and people in fear, and way, way too white. White men, white robes and pure as the driven snow or you burn in hell. I can’t do religion and rules. Not this girl, not this life. Not this DNA. My ancestors were from every race and every corner of the Earth. They danced under the sky, they said prayers to the bare soil. And all of that religion stuff has way too much trauma attached to it. Buildings are dangerous. Forests are home. Religion? Nope, nope and nope.
Touching the Muse in the Dark
And so I’ve been out here on my own, crawling around in the dark, making my way, beginning to feel things as ‘in the flow’ or out of it, enjoying the journey…listening to the spirit voices, keeping out the voices of others, and into my journey manages to sneak Emma. SHE is a kindred soul. SHE is a woman who speaks her mind even if no one likes what she says. SHE is walking her Druidry. And yes, she’s pulled back from using the word. And I get that. She’s pulled back from several projects, left them in the capable hands of others, and now she tends land. Now she and her husband run a Nature Reserve and Natural Burial Ground. I so deeply understand why.
She says that she hopes to inspire others to an “emotional-physical interaction”, not just an intellectual one. She says that a “Druid’s task is to listen and learn from that which hums around him”, and she’s not talking about cars and buildings and electricity. She and I speak the same language.
For so many, Druidry does become an intellectual exercise, a place to show their credentials, their intellect or their vast knowledge of Celtic history, but they would starve in a forest. Ms. Orr walks her walk, by caring, daily for a nature sanctuary-a place where nature is preserved and revered, listened to and loved. THAT in my book is what Druidry is about.
We need real connection to the Earth to heal, and to do work that will heal her. We cannot get that so much from a book. We get it from land, from soil, from weather and wind, from sky and the taste of salt on our tongue. A Druid’s muse is Nature. Nature.